2 sides of a coin

Sitting outside on this blanket. I miss just lying down in the grass.
My goal was just to be Lauren tonight.
Just be Lauren lying on her back, afro freed, underneath the pale blue sky,
Kissed my the sunset.
Each side of my vision framed with tall palm trees and bougainvilleas.
I just want to be Lauren out here.
I don't want to think about this song and who I'd like to spend it with or who it reminds me of, who it makes me crave.
I just want to be empty and present.
I'm starting to get there and I look to my right to find a scheming, scowling, curious kitty, peering through the small space between the blinds and the window
I scream with laughter.

It gets dark so quickly.
2 minutes can make a world of difference in darkness.
She sits in the shade of the sunset stroking one arm,
Trying to decipher her own feelings.
And she was feeling the weight of numbness in her heart, but now she feels nothing
Just the air of peace the song brings:
A soft piano,
A fluid voice,
Lyrics about the beautiful unexpected moments in life.
She looks up and the sky is coming down again.
The blanket above sprinkled with stars,
Her blanket below sprinkled with grass and words she can't seem to put together in her mind or on paper.
She picks at her curls again and again.
They stretch and then spring back.
She hears a noise over her music and looks to the grass;
It's a small bird, waking the small field, fluttering and flapping.
He hops to the top of the fence then flies off into the dying sunset.
She looks up again then down,
Her papers becoming less and less white and more of a grayish blue.